I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
