I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
