Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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