.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
