We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
