Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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