Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Randomize
