two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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