he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The Olympian is in my bed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
