My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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