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• (269): View more from Michigan

  Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I don't see you I see the memories. All the time

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page

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• (848): View more from New Jersey

  it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Now he's lighting his socks on fire

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.

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• (925): View more from California

  I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY

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• (352): View more from Florida

  I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?

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