she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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