So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
