i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
