Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize