i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
