so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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