okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
