i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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