Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
