He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
