Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
