Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize