i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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