he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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