Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize