Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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