Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
