you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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