Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize