I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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