What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
