An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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