He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my being single is dangerous.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
