i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
