he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
