i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
