i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
