Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
