Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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