I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Welp...herpes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
