Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
