He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
