So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i believe in u and ur pee
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