I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
