pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
