Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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