Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
