I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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