All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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