Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im holly from the hills drunk
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
