This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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