Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
