The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
