Your mouth is God's brothel.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
