Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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