just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
