Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
