Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
my liver is dry heaving
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
