now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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