No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
