Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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