He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
