never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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