Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
