I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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