honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
