The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
