HIV tests are more positive than that guy
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize