RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
