Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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