I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
