I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
two words...techno handjob
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
