Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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