I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
