none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
