last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
