actually, I'm a sock model
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
