The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
