For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
