Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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