I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
