anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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