you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
