so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
