If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
