Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
