If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
