yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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