So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
