He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize