Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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