im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Someone shit on the floor
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
