I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize