ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
