I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
