i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
