i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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