dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
