i need an iv and a liver transplant
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
