Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
