I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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